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What the hell have I got myself into? I'll try anyway...
Let's start with TO--In the olden days, before Microsoft and Windows, computer classes required us to learn basic programming. Long story short, the most common input I remember was the command 'GOTO'. I think of 'to' as a 'go' word. "Where are you off to?" "I'm off to the store." You know how to spell 'go' so now you know which 'to' you can use.
The second one to discuss (See what I did there? We are going TO discuss TWO) is the number TWO. This one is a little hard to explain logically, and it gets worse in the next paragraph. Okay...When you make a 'W' with your fingers, there are three fingers you use. HOWEVER, the letter 'w' is put together with 2 'v's. It also has 2 points on the bottom. I'm REALLY hoping that resonates with you people, because if it doesn't I got nuthin'.
At last, we have TOO. This one is going to be the hardest because there are TWO 'o's in TOO. How do I make this make sense? This word basically means 'as well' or 'also'. Like: "I'm going to the movies." "Me too." Me as well. And now the first 'o' has a buddy next to him to go with. They are a pair of circles going to the show.
THEN the is the extreme TOO. Why extreme? because it has a tendency to enunciate a little more, a little more 'oomph'. Notice how you use a few more 'o's when you want to make more of a point? Example "Oooooh!" or "Gooood!"
My favorite local drag queen, Chelsea Horrendous, posted on Facebook one day saying. "I'm dying my hair blonde. Hopefully I won't do anything to stupid." to which I immediately replied "*too ;)" (For the record, he said "And so it begins...") Doesn't it look better with the proper spelling? "I hope I don't do anything too stupid." Think of this particular usage as an 'impact' word.
I hope these were helpful, and that I didn't come across as condescending. I figured instead of bitching about people who can't tell the difference between these words, why not try to help them learn to use them? How did I do? 'Cause that was WORK. Thank God for teachers.